Scientology Gibberish.
I am not going to question the beliefs of movie stars in this cult. (yep, that’s right, cult). I am going to merely point your browser at a video by the church’s leader. This guy has been leader ever since their sci-fi writing founder popped his clogs a while back.
Check out this guys speech. He must of had the speech written in Chinese then used a PC to translate it into English. Take a look…
Perhaps his mum brought him a thesaurus for him for Christmas…Does this guy think that if he talks a load of incomprehensible gibberish, the audience will think he is intelligent…coz they can’t understand a ‘lexeme’ he is ‘discoursing’?
How does it work: No. 13,256
The Human Bladder
If you turn a bottle of water upside down with the lid off what happens? What does the water look like when it comes out?
Yeah…it ‘glugs’ out. Starting and stopping. Now we all know this is because air needs to go back into the bottle to replace the water.
So, how does the bladder work when having a pee? Where is the air getting back in? I take it no one has the glugging effect when doing a ‘number ones’.
I’ve tried covering all the obvious ways air could be getting in. (which was not easy)… still no glugging.
Weird!
Rant No. 13,143: Low Energy Bulb Propaganda
It’s been a bad week for the low energy bulb. But why?
Low-energy bulbs ‘worsen rashes’
Low-energy bulbs ’cause migraine’
Low-energy bulb disposal warning
3 Stories in 4 days?
What is the reason for this ‘trio of terror’.
The government want normal light bulbs off the shelves by 2011. Could it be the manufacturers of normal light bulbs in a last ditch attempt to reverse the proposal? It is the electric companies who are going to lose billions when we all cut our usage by ‘a third’? Or could they be triggered by a bunch of Scottish scientist who are working on LED technology of household lights? I would not be surprised if there isn’t some sort of vote about these energy saving bulbs happening in the country somewhere next week.
There has to be a reason. I don’t believe in coincidence when it comes to the scheduling of news stories. You see it all the time. BBC breakfast news will spend 10 minutes on what is supposedly ‘news’, fresh that morning, then finish the story by mentioning a documentary that is going to be on their channel that night that has been 6 months in the making. Hardly NEWs. What you have just unwittingly watched as you eat your cornflakes is a corporate trailer for one of their programs, devoid of the main facts so as not to spoil that evening’s program.
This sort of manipulation gets on my nerves….. chiefly because of my lack of faith in other people to see thorough it. I know in my heart of hearts that a large percentage of the country happy suck this stuff up. The kind of people that think a dinner party will not be successful without serving Kenco, the smell of your armpits is proportional to your attraction of the opposite sex and that summer meadows smell anything like that overpowering whiff that come from a Lenor bottle.
I’m dying to: No. 12,345
Waterstones Anarchy.
Whilst Christmas shopping , and feeling sorry for myself for having to I was taken by a powerful urge to misbehave.
I spied a rack of books in Waterstones, each of which had a ’signed by the author’ sticker on the front. Just to the left of the rack was a couple of ’spare’ stickers.
If only I had the guts to stick them to a nearby copy of the bible – this would have been a good anecdote.
Rant No. 67,127 (The Polythene bag hysteria).
Polythene bags v’s the mushroom tray. (and the hidden hypocrisy)
Forget God raining fire and brimstone. If the media is to be believed it is our continual use of polythene bags that will be the sign of the coming apocalypse.
Whilst packing my shopping at the till this week I started to see though the hysteria. I used 4 carrier bags for my shopping* –and I felt guilty. However a quick glance across the adjacent tills put the problem into perspective. The carrier bag is an amazing invention. Only a few microns thick but, a few can carry a weeks worth of shopping; they are incredibly strong. It is not the design of the carrier bag which needs to be reconsidered but the packaging of the food I saw person after person stuffing into them.
There is some shockingly wasteful packaging out there, and fruit and veg seem to be the biggest culprits.
Like the geek that I am I weighed my carrier bags when I got home. They way about 6 grams, give or take. Now. Let’s turn our attention to the mushroom tray. I refuse to buy mushrooms in the trays, so I have to weight a similar product. (a similarly size seed tray from the shed). It weighed 54 grams.
No doubt the keen mathematicians have done the necessary calculations. I can use 9 carrier bags…for every mushroom tray I use. (or don’t use as the case may be)
My point? Well apart from the obvious, I am annoyed at how the powers that been have tried to manipulate us. We as shoppers are made to feel bad about using shopping bags; pressure being put on us to bring our own carriers. However, the supermarkets continue to over package their products…one can only guess through the fear of loosing sales if they reduce it.
Then don’t forget that all this wasteful packaging arrives at the shop, in even more packaging.
I heard the other day that for every bin load of packaging we throw away, 70 bin loads of packaging has been created further up the supply chain.
Puts my recycling efforts into perspective.
*I reuse my shopping bags as bin liners.
Rant No. 19,454
Blasphemy.
The guy in this photo has got it right.
Blasphemy, or rather the need for enforcing blasphemy by way of law has no place on this planet.
Why are there people out there, religious believers, who deem it necessary to stand up for their God, try and protect him/her/it from ‘words’. Surely if they do truly believe what they preach then they are fully aware that ‘God’ judges us when we die. It is then he can punish us for our blasphemous ways.
We do not need a bunch of religious Islamic, Christian , <autocomplete> folk* imprisoning teachers for naming teddy bears Mohammad or telling us how long we can shop for on a Sunday.
These folk seem to be defending their God, as a football supporter may support their fallible football team after a lose and a few pints; with threats of violence, ill conceived arguments and knee-jerk reactions.
*I stop short of calling these people extremists, or the like, because sadly they are not. They are the religious mainstream. They force or make laws not for the good of the people in their land but to protect their belief in a ‘holy book’. We have laws that stop members of parliament holding stakes in companies, that could be called into question when passing laws and deciding policy…Can people truly not see the same parallels with religion.
</rant> -sigh.
That’s weird. No. 12,254
Google = Alien technology.
We are all aware that alien technology has been used for years to develop products. Think Velcro, Teflon, the microwave oven and blancmange.
However, the earth seems blind to the fact that one of our greatest sources of information must have been developed from alien technology.
Last week I was looking for a file on my hard drive called, innocently enough, ‘Britney Spears’. In my ‘work’ folder, actually. My PC took several minutes to search the, admittedly thousands, of files to find the one relevant file. Now let’s repeat that experiment with Google. Google returned 23,700,000 hits within 0.07 seconds.
Let’s look at the facts:
- There is no hard drive in world that could read that fast.
- Google was not even searching a hard drive…but the internet!!!
Google = Alien technology…. FACT*
*May not be 100% true.
I hate No. 5,424
Artificial Adjectives.
The backlash starts here. 
What Jamie Oliver was to Turkey Twizzlers I hope to be to Artificial Adjectives in food. (Well on menus to be more precise).
When I choose food in a pub/restaurant I just want to know what is in a dish. Not ‘how’ it got there. I move to ban unnecessary descriptions from menus.
Artificial Adjectives I hope to ban include: Hand reared, sprinkled, infused and of course the most heinous of all; ‘Drizzled’
Petition to follow. 
Now there is something you don’t see every day…
…unless you to are married to a geography teacher
I Hate No. 35,431
Mobile phones as ‘Ghetto blasters’.
Yes. I understand. Music to teenagers is important. It plays a major part in shaping their identity. Being into rock, or RnB helps them find people who have something in common with them. But why in the name of all that is good and pure do they now insist on walking around town wearing their mobiles round their necks on a bit of ribbon blasting out some god awful tinny music? Yes we know they are Emos, Goths, Rockers or whatever. Their countless piercing and the scribblings on their over priced t-shirts let me know at a glance where they are ‘coming from’. I. We. Do not need to be subjected to the ultra-low-fi soundtrack to their life.
…and why is it always rap/RnB music?
I get it. You’re a 13 year old. You live in Cheshire. Your mother owns her own hairdressers and your father is a consultant at an engineering company. You’re rebelling. But really who are you kidding? The ripped jeans and poorly screenprinted t-shirt did not convince me you are cool… and no amount of tinny music or funny walk is going to make you any blacker cooler.
It is a simple request: Turn off the music when in public. We don’t want to hear it. It is why god invented headphones…
..oh yeah and pull your trousers up. I do not want to see your underwear. You know who you are Calvin Klein. I’ve got my eye on you.